Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Literary Work Revision*: ハイム

ドクン
ドクン
ドクン
しんおんはパルスのノイズです。
ひとりで
ひとりで
ひとりで
うちはハイムです。


*I corrected the misspelled word パルス. Also I wanted to add that the use of this katakana word adds to the cold/foreign atmosphere because it is a medical word and is more cold and scientific.
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6 comments:

  1. Tae HaNovember 30, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    I was just wondering... What is ハイム?

    ReplyDelete
  2. nora_inuNovember 30, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    home

    ReplyDelete
  3. Allison ScottDecember 7, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    すごいですね。とてもおもしろいです。
    It is interesting how you were very minimalistic with your use of characters. It made me feel more alone, it worked! Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. StephenDecember 8, 2011 at 8:52 AM

    カタカナのかきかたはいいです。

    I liked your use of katakana. The passage does give a feeling of loneliness.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tae HaDecember 9, 2011 at 10:19 PM

    おもしろいです！このポエムはいいです！

    Great use of katakana. It certainly does add to the effect of coldness and loneliness.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousDecember 15, 2011 at 3:33 PM

    あなたのポエムはおもしろいです。

    You did a really good job using katakana! The corrections you made resulted in the poem sounding better. (:

    ReplyDelete

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